HR: the movie

Another of my early blogs (rerun to buy me time to get on top of the new book)

A recent Twitter exchange prompted a suggestion that HR should have its own movie. Technically it already has but for some reason, it failed to capture the imagination. So conversation rapidly turned to what a movie with HR in a starring role might look like. I’m willing to option the rights to these crackers for a very reasonable price. If you have any further suggestions then please leave them in the comments box.

Plot 1 – The Facilitator

Tom Smith is the best at what he does. A superspy, trained to kill – deadly in close quarters combat and one of the world’s greatest marksmen -yet Tom has a number of challenging behaviours that make him an unpopular member of the team.  What we need is a brave HR pro willing to coach, a seasoned veteran of away days ready to talk tough to the world’s toughest man and to facilitate tricky conversations with colleagues. Under pressure.

Plot 2 – Performance Gridiron

A ragtag High School football team made up of misfits and a star quarterback (who will doubtless be emotionally damaged by something that happened in his past, probably his father being a previous talented footballer whose career ending injury turned him to drink) , is crying out for an online Performance Management system. Will they get the system implemented in time to see them through to the play offs? Will they be able to make the most of the data whilst still retaining an understanding of the people dynamics? Will it integrate fully with their current systems to provide an effective single solution for the team?

Plot 3 – Final Decision

Tommy was a family man, trying to get by by living honestly in the tough neighbourhood he was raised in .After his release from prison for a crime he didn’t commit – or possibly did commit (but under a level of duress that makes us all feel sorry for him) – one question remains:  who’ll administer his CRB check? Who will decide whether Tommy gets one more chance at rebuilding his life. The final decision rests with HR.

Plot 5 – Critical Impact 

An asteroid is plummeting towards earth. If it hits it is likely we will be destroyed as a species. The US government is our only hope, because in these situations apparently all of the other governments just give up. We know we need the best of the best of the best of the best. We know that these men (and possibly one attractive woman) live on the fringes of acceptability. We know they have an unparalleled skill set and they are our only hope. But the real question is: who will choose the tools that will establish as to whether they are a good cultural fit for our organisation? Who is the best of the best at choosing the best of the best of the best

Plot 6 – The Lord of The  Admins: A long road home

This 79 hour movie trilogy (148 hours in the special edition, 273 hours in the HR Director’s cut – sorry, restructure) features a loose group of heroes facing an unimaginable evil that threatens to plunge their world into darkness forever. The story is told from the point of view of a payroll administrator, chronicling their arduous attempts to get payoll to reconcile whilst fighting off Orcs, and dealing with tax code queries that only they can resolve.

Plot 7 – Finding Nemo (thanks to Ryan Cheyne)

Nemo is the one genuine talent in a large monolithic corporation. A fish with plenty of potential to grow, but currently swimming in an ocean of mediocrity. The film features the endeavours of Marvin the HR professional and his many adventures with talent grids and forced ranking to finally find Nemo – and plaice him on a high potential programme. If you swim with the shoal it’s hard to stand out. If you swim with the sharks you better take care!

If you haven’t seen the best actual workplace films some clips are below

Up in the air – contains moderate swearing – but incredible messaging

Office Space  – really, well worth a watch

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